The Healthy Way to Manage Stress: Don't Do It Alone

The healthiest way to manage stress is engagement: connecting with other people and with the world around you. The least helpful way is trying to carry it all by yourself.

Many of us were taught to "handle it" quietly. But your brain is built to handle stress better with others. Here is why, and what you can do about it today.

Your brain's two stress hormones

When stress hits, your body releases more than one hormone. Two of the most important are cortisol and oxytocin.

• Cortisol gets your body ready to fight or push through. It can leave you feeling tense, on edge, and uncomfortable, especially when it stays high from facing stress alone for a long time.

• Oxytocin pulls you toward other people for support. It helps your body feel calmer, safer, and more at ease, and connection (talking, hugging, being around others) boosts it.

Cortisol is useful in short bursts. The problem is when it stays high for days or weeks, which often happens when we keep stress bottled up. Oxytocin is sometimes called the "tend and befriend" hormone. Research shows that support from other people during stress can help calm the cortisol response. In other words, oxytocin is your brain's built-in nudge to reach out.

Your brain and body talk both ways

We usually think the brain tells the body what to do. That's true, but it works the other way too: what you do also shapes how your brain reacts.

If you sit alone, replay the problem, and tense up, your brain reads that as a threat you are facing by yourself. If you get up, move, and connect with people, your brain gets a different message: you have support, and you can handle this.

The best way: engage with others

The most powerful stress relief is simple: be with people you trust.

• Hang out with a friend, even for an hour.

• Talk about your day. You don't need advice, just someone who listens.

• Call or text someone when you feel the pressure building.

• Share a meal with family or coworkers.

• Join a group: a class, a faith community, a team, a support group.

You don't have to talk about the stress itself. Just being connected helps your body move out of "alone against the problem" mode.

On your own? Engage with the world

Sometimes no one is available, and that's okay. You can still engage, just in a different way.

• Go for a walk. You're engaging with the fresh air, the cars on the street, and the other people walking by.

• Go to the gym. You're engaging with your own body through physical activity, and you're around other people, even if you never say a word to them.

• Get out of the house. Sit in a coffee shop, a park, or a library. Being around life counts.

This is engagement by yourself. You're still connected to something outside your own head, and that is what makes the difference.

What to avoid: carrying it all alone

The one thing you don't want to do is try to manage all your stress by yourself: staying in, shutting people out, and replaying the problem over and over. That's when stress tends to sit in the body as tension, poor sleep, and irritability.

Next time stress shows up, ask yourself one question: "Who or what can I engage with right now?" A friend, a walk, the gym, a coffee shop. Any of them is better than going it alone.

If stress has been heavy for a while, talking with a therapist is engagement too. If you're in crisis, call or text 988.

This article is for education and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care.

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