Sober Holidays, Part 2: Keep It Simple

In Part 1 of this series, we talked about getting through holiday parties and special events: having a plan, keeping your hands busy, paying attention to your body, changing your space and leaving early if you need to.

In Part 2, we're keeping it simple. Staying sober at holiday gatherings doesn't always take a big strategy. Often it comes down to a few small choices: being honest when it feels right, spending time with the right people and finding something to do that doesn't revolve around drinking or using.

1. Be honest if you're comfortable

Sometimes the easiest way to avoid pressure is to simply say it out loud. If you feel comfortable, let people know you're not drinking or using. You might say:

"I'm not drinking these days."

"I'm taking a break from alcohol."

"I'm good with my soda, thanks."

Once people know, most of them will stop offering, and some may even look out for you. Friends and family who care about you usually want to support you, even if they don't know how at first.

That said, you never owe anyone your story. How much you share, and with whom, is completely up to you. If you're not comfortable explaining, a simple "No thanks" is always enough.

2. Focus on the non-drinkers

At almost every gathering, there are people who aren't drinking or using. Spending your time with them takes a lot of the pressure off, and it keeps your attention on what the event is really about.

A few examples:

• At a kid's birthday party, focus on the birthday kid. Help with the games, cut the cake or join the kids outside.

• At a baby shower, stay engaged with the mom-to-be. She isn't drinking either, and she'll appreciate the company.

• At a family dinner, sit near the grandparents, the kids or the relative you rarely get to catch up with.

When you're focused on connecting with someone, there's less room for cravings and less time spent near the bar.

3. Join sober activities

Many holiday gatherings have long stretches of just standing around and talking, and that's often when drinking happens. Give yourself something else to do. A few ideas:

• Board games or card games at a family gathering

• Cooking or baking in the kitchen with others

• Backyard games with the kids

• Taking a walk with a family member after dinner

• Putting on a holiday movie or helping with decorations

If no one has suggested an activity, be the one to start it. "Anyone want to play a game?" is often all it takes. You'll likely find that other people were looking for something to do, too.

Final thoughts

Staying sober over the holidays doesn't have to be complicated. To recap:

1. Be honest if you're comfortable. A simple "I'm not drinking" goes a long way.

2. Focus on the non-drinkers, like the birthday kid or the mom-to-be.

3. Join sober activities such as board games, cooking or a walk after dinner.

The holidays are about connection. Stay connected to the people, not the drinks.

If you missed it, read Sober Holidays, Part 1: Special Events for more tips on getting through holiday parties.

If you're struggling with alcohol or drug use, you don't have to do it alone. You can call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357, which is free, confidential and available 24/7. If you're in California and looking for counseling, you can learn more at mainline-counseling.com.

This post is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.

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